Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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