my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
