DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
