After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
