I'm gonna have a badass scar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
