i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
