Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize