Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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