I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
