Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
