so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
