New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize