my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
