i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
