I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
