All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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