you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
this is an emotional support booty call
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
