How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wear drunk well.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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