I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
