So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm getting married
To pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
