apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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