I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
