My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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