dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
