Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
