I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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