and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They have beer where we have blood.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize