The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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