we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
