Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
