I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
