I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
