And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Houston, we have a blender
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize