I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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