Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize