The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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