Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize