I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
