we have officially lost it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
