Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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