Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
