I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
