He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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