he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
