I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
