I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
