Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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