i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
