Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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