i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
