at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize