I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
