Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize