My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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