Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
