..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
