69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize