I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize