i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
