It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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