I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
