Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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