Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
