I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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