we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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