I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
