I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize