I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I sprained my soul last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
